OK, nail me down.
That’s fine.
Tenderize the I-steak
of my spine.
Melt me to champagne again
again, again, again.
*
Rachel McAlpine
blogging101
Problem solving
Why do you not like her?
(says Ruby).
She used to not like you
but now you don’t like her.
She used to problem solve.
Her powers helped her problem solve.
But she gave her powers
to her friends.
Whenever they want to play
with barbies, “Pooh!
We don’t want to play with you,
bogey girl!”
Kyoko and our babies
used to problem solve.
They say, “Bake me. Bake me.
Eat me if you can.”
*
Rachel McAlpine
From a story told by Ruby, aged 4 or 5 or 6
You want to breathe
You sometimes feel like breathing
but it’s best not to
(says Ruby).
Once you start breathing,
you have to keep going
and your throat just gets sore.
If that happens, there are two things
you can do. The first thing is,
you can have a drink of water
and it goes away and it’s perfect again.
The second thing you can do to fix it
is, you can go “Aahaa, aahaa”.
I’m the only person
who goes “Aahaa, aahaa”.
I hardly even breathe, ever.
Just now and then, like this.
*
Rachel McAlpine
From a conversation with Ruby, aged 4 or 5
You’re tired
You’re tired
(says Ruby)
so it’s good we’re playing
something entiring
and something
not entiring.
I tell you what to do:
make some dolls’ clothes.
That’s entiring.
And then I go home
and you have a wee rest
when I’m not here.
*
Rachel McAlpine
From a conversation with Ruby, aged 4
Survival kit
Being alive involves
a certain quantity of losing,
maybe six per cent.
Ships planes and
hospital beds, letters
from head office and
blunders all contribute.
The soul travelling
looks for a cloud
and even in the sea
dehydration is
the greatest danger.
The wise provide
for such emergencies.
Knowing a friend may leave
at any time they hoard food
and water, especially water,
and bandage up the heart in advance.
This way they can afford to cry.
Which is right and proper
and the heart does not leak
and they say Yes, yes
I am saved, I have not shrivelled.
Good, good we all understand—
except for how and why at times
a person cries
from the opposite of losing,
from a kind of overflow.
*
Rachel McAlpine
Like Elizabeth Taylor
In the bed
of a bloke
then ipso facto
you’re in love.
No joke.
No matter how
you muscle-train
your cells are jelly
and recall
ding dong ding dong belly.
*
Rachel McAlpine
In the olden days
Sue is not a burglar girl
(says Ruby).
Her father was born
in the olden days.
Probably they didn’t have
burglars then
but something worse
like pirates
or deadly weapons aliens.
Deadly means
really good
and not useless.
*
Rachel McAlpine
From a story told by Ruby, aged 4 or 5 or 6
Do you feel sorry for me?
I was hurt today
(says Ruby)
with a very bad hurt.
(says Ruby)
with a very bad hurt.
There was blood on my knee
and I banged my chin. See?
Do you feel sorry for me?
We were running too fast.
Lauren got a bleeding nose:
I crashed her with my head.
Ellen squealed Ee! but I just cried.
I have to scoot slowly now
because it hurts my knee.
Do you feel sorry for me?
Do you feel more sorry for Ellie,
or do you feel more sorry for me?
*
Rachel McAlpine
From a story told by Ruby, aged 4 or 5 or 6
How to act cool
If you want to act cool with me
(says Ruby)
just say OK.
The easiest way to learn
is walking waving your hips.
Watch me. One, two, three.
Everything has to be
waving your hips.
That’s part of being cool.
Not spitting on your hand
like they do in Peter Pan:
that’s gross.
You can’t do acting cool
at gymnastics: you might go wow!
and fall off the bar.
Don’t wave your hips
on the trampoline:
just jump the normal way.
Don’t act cool
at dog obedience school
‘cos you might fall over, especially
if you’re walking backwards.
And if you see stray dogs
leave them alone.
I haven’t learned all the coolness
from dog people.
I learned it from Marone.
I’ll spell that for you.
It’s Ethiopian,
so people can’t spell it.
And don’t walk coolly up the stairs.
Just walk normally.
*
Rachel McAlpine
From a story told by Ruby, aged 4 or 5 or 6
In khaki
Your eyes are in khaki.
Are you at war
or on safari?
I would hate to be a pet
but I am scared
of dying.
*
Rachel McAlpine
Poems in the wild—Rachel McAlpine 