Do not fear
to be sincere.
Do not give
the shove to love.
*
Rachel McAlpine
Phone poems
You want to breathe
You sometimes feel like breathing
but it’s best not to
(says Ruby).
Once you start breathing,
you have to keep going
and your throat just gets sore.
If that happens, there are two things
you can do. The first thing is,
you can have a drink of water
and it goes away and it’s perfect again.
The second thing you can do to fix it
is, you can go “Aahaa, aahaa”.
I’m the only person
who goes “Aahaa, aahaa”.
I hardly even breathe, ever.
Just now and then, like this.
*
Rachel McAlpine
From a conversation with Ruby, aged 4 or 5
You’re tired
You’re tired
(says Ruby)
so it’s good we’re playing
something entiring
and something
not entiring.
I tell you what to do:
make some dolls’ clothes.
That’s entiring.
And then I go home
and you have a wee rest
when I’m not here.
*
Rachel McAlpine
From a conversation with Ruby, aged 4
In the olden days
Sue is not a burglar girl
(says Ruby).
Her father was born
in the olden days.
Probably they didn’t have
burglars then
but something worse
like pirates
or deadly weapons aliens.
Deadly means
really good
and not useless.
*
Rachel McAlpine
From a story told by Ruby, aged 4 or 5 or 6
How to act cool
If you want to act cool with me
(says Ruby)
just say OK.
The easiest way to learn
is walking waving your hips.
Watch me. One, two, three.
Everything has to be
waving your hips.
That’s part of being cool.
Not spitting on your hand
like they do in Peter Pan:
that’s gross.
You can’t do acting cool
at gymnastics: you might go wow!
and fall off the bar.
Don’t wave your hips
on the trampoline:
just jump the normal way.
Don’t act cool
at dog obedience school
‘cos you might fall over, especially
if you’re walking backwards.
And if you see stray dogs
leave them alone.
I haven’t learned all the coolness
from dog people.
I learned it from Marone.
I’ll spell that for you.
It’s Ethiopian,
so people can’t spell it.
And don’t walk coolly up the stairs.
Just walk normally.
*
Rachel McAlpine
From a story told by Ruby, aged 4 or 5 or 6
For goodness sake
For goodness sake (says Ruby)
I know how to spell AND.
You don’t have to write it
in fancy writing.
For goodness sake,
I know how to spell A.
It’s just one letter.
That’s how we spell it at school.
Marie said, “What’s that tattoo
and can I have one too?”
and I said,
For goodness sake, no!
It’s already ruined.
I washed it and it’s blurry.
For goodness sake,
no!
*
Rachel McAlpine
Poem uttered by Ruby, aged 6
I’m trying to forget
I’m trying to forget
my cell phone got wet.
It’s a goner, I bet
but I won’t think about that
yet.
*
Rachel McAlpine
Retro chic
Favourite clothes
in fashion forever:
classics.
You wish.
*
Rachel McAlpine
No seams
Baby skin has pleats
but never a seam.
Where to stop with the face cream?
Where to stop with the knife?
Where to stop with the Botox?
Where to start with the life?
*
Rachel McAlpine
You look young
‘You look young.
For your age, that is.’
That’s cool?
Worship my wrinkles,
you fool.
*
Rachel McAlpine
Poems in the wild—Rachel McAlpine 